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Pun Intended for Nothing In Particular #7

written by: thaibob
Remember these are all PUNS, so look at each answer carefully.

Question 1:

My skiing skills are really going _____________.
to pieces
great guns

Question 2:

While practicing the drums in his basement, the boy fell, hit his head, and ___________.
got a concussion
bounced right back up
got a percussion
hit his head on the bongos

Question 3:

When I suffered a groin injury I became ___________.
a eunuch
sex starved for a week
quite testy
a wounded warrior

Question 4:

The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was ______________.
a nice gesture
a nice jester
kinda silly
good for a laugh

Question 5:

I have invented crockery that comes to me when I whistle. (Next sentence please)
It smacked me in the mouth to shut me up.
It was a steam kettle and whistled back.
Boy was that a crock of crap.
My cup runneth over.

Question 6:

Yesterday my fridge thought it was a microwave, so we got into a heated fight. (Next sentence please)
My new fridge doesn't talk back.
But we're cool now.
So, I bought an oven.
Unfortunately, we burned down the house.

Question 7:

When the Aztec warrior was about to be punished severely, he was so sad he ______________________.
killed himself
was disheartened
cut off his head

Question 8:

We're expecting _________ from the recent layoffs at the nuclear plant.

Question 9:

Drivers who speed in the snow often find themselves ____________.
buried in a snow bank
spinning around

Question 10:

I thought I packed a memory card for my camera, but __________________.
I forgot it
I brought the Polaroid
I left my camera at home
I packed a roll of film instead

Question 11:

When the doctor asked the editor how he was doing, he said he had a problem ____________________.
finding his medical records
with inky fingers
finding copy boys
with his circulation

Question 12:

The geneticist taught his students how to ______________.
mendel defective genes
split the nuclei
mend defective genes
split the nucleuses

Question 13:

My dog ​​swallowed my engagement ring. I ended up with a ________________.
diamond in the rough
dirty job ahead
pile of expensive poop
diamond in the ruff

Question 14:

I'd tell you a joke about a cow but I ______________.
don't know one
seem to milk it for all it's worth
can't remember the cow punch line
always butcher it

Question 15:

The dairy farmer while milking his cow _________________________.
knocked over the bucket
kicked the bucket
saw it was the bull instead
strained his calf in the process

Question 16:

When I was starving to death, my children gave me a ______________________.
raisin to keep on living
new will to sign
cemetery plot for my birthday
reason to keep on living

Question 17:

My wife wanted me to take her to visit Northern Canada ____________________.
to go shopping
but I was having none of it
so she could see the icebergs
but I was having Nunavut

Question 18:

When Australian sheep get lost, they ______________.
lose their wool
bleat around the bush
beat around the bush
drop and die

Question 19:

As the carburetor chuckled to the air filter, _____________________.
'I guess the joke's on me!'
'In one side and out the other!'
'Breathing is easier that carbureting'
'I guess the choke's on me!'

Question 20:

When his wife demanded that he give up polo, ___________________.
he decided to chukker
he decided to chuck her
he almost fell off his horse
his game went to pot


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