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Pun Intended for Nothing In Particular #7

written by: thaibob
Remember these are all PUNS, so look at each answer carefully.

Question 1:

My skiing skills are really going _____________.
to pieces
great guns

Question 2:

While practicing the drums in his basement, the boy fell, hit his head, and ___________.
got a concussion
hit his head on the bongos
got a percussion
bounced right back up

Question 3:

When I suffered a groin injury I became ___________.
sex starved for a week
a wounded warrior
a eunuch
quite testy

Question 4:

The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was ______________.
a nice jester
a nice gesture
good for a laugh
kinda silly

Question 5:

I have invented crockery that comes to me when I whistle. (Next sentence please)
It smacked me in the mouth to shut me up.
It was a steam kettle and whistled back.
My cup runneth over.
Boy was that a crock of crap.

Question 6:

Yesterday my fridge thought it was a microwave, so we got into a heated fight. (Next sentence please)
So, I bought an oven.
My new fridge doesn't talk back.
Unfortunately, we burned down the house.
But we're cool now.

Question 7:

When the Aztec warrior was about to be punished severely, he was so sad he ______________________.
was disheartened
cut off his head
killed himself

Question 8:

We're expecting _________ from the recent layoffs at the nuclear plant.

Question 9:

Drivers who speed in the snow often find themselves ____________.
buried in a snow bank
spinning around

Question 10:

I thought I packed a memory card for my camera, but __________________.
I left my camera at home
I forgot it
I packed a roll of film instead
I brought the Polaroid

Question 11:

When the doctor asked the editor how he was doing, he said he had a problem ____________________.
finding copy boys
finding his medical records
with inky fingers
with his circulation

Question 12:

The geneticist taught his students how to ______________.
split the nuclei
mendel defective genes
split the nucleuses
mend defective genes

Question 13:

My dog ​​swallowed my engagement ring. I ended up with a ________________.
dirty job ahead
diamond in the ruff
pile of expensive poop
diamond in the rough

Question 14:

I'd tell you a joke about a cow but I ______________.
seem to milk it for all it's worth
can't remember the cow punch line
always butcher it
don't know one

Question 15:

The dairy farmer while milking his cow _________________________.
knocked over the bucket
kicked the bucket
saw it was the bull instead
strained his calf in the process

Question 16:

When I was starving to death, my children gave me a ______________________.
new will to sign
raisin to keep on living
reason to keep on living
cemetery plot for my birthday

Question 17:

My wife wanted me to take her to visit Northern Canada ____________________.
but I was having none of it
so she could see the icebergs
but I was having Nunavut
to go shopping

Question 18:

When Australian sheep get lost, they ______________.
beat around the bush
lose their wool
bleat around the bush
drop and die

Question 19:

As the carburetor chuckled to the air filter, _____________________.
'In one side and out the other!'
'Breathing is easier that carbureting'
'I guess the joke's on me!'
'I guess the choke's on me!'

Question 20:

When his wife demanded that he give up polo, ___________________.
his game went to pot
he almost fell off his horse
he decided to chuck her
he decided to chukker


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