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Pun Intended Jobbingly

written by: thaibob
 
All of the puns have to do with occupations or something akin to them. Remember, the key word is PUN.

Question 1:


The international jewel thieves were hard to catch because they _____________________.
only pearloined the easy stuff to fence
had a good ring leader
moved the merchandise quickly
never took Ruby's love to town

Question 2:


As a drug counselor, ______________________.
I'm always on the lookout for a quick buck
I'd still walk a mile for a Camel
I get clients by referral
I never snort at my clients

Question 3:


Always trust a glue salesman. (next sentence please)
They tend to stick to their word.
Their honesty is beyond reproach
Why knot?
But not if he's selling paste.

Question 4:


The feather dancer was rushed to the hospital. (Next sentence please)
She slipped on her outfit.
Her boa constricted her.
She was choking on her boa.
She was going into labor.

Question 5:


The pilot was a loner but even for him flying a drone was ___________________.
lonely without a flight attendant to bring him snacks and coffee
just too remote
boring
hard on his eyes

Question 6:


Since I've taken the job in The Everglades _________________ .
I'm lost in the swamps
I've been swamped
I wish they'd get rid of the gators
the humidity is killing me

Question 7:


Be kind to your dentist, _________________ .
he has fillings, too
he has feelings, too
he has feelings, two
he has fillings, two

Question 8:


Historians have ________________.
extra-century perception
extra-sensory perception
long memories
always had their noses to the grindstone

Question 9:


Automatic machines that compete in sculling are ____________.
rowbots
robots
scullerers
automats

Question 10:


A backward poet ______________.
writes a verse then changes it
writes in verse
writes inverse
backwards

Question 11:


Those who study the moon are optimists. (Next sentence please)
They look at the bright side.
Why would they be pessimists?
They're also of one mind.
They never lose sight of their object.

Question 12:


The marine biology student took a _____________.
math course called algae-bra
history course called dino-saurs
math course called algebra
science course called sci-ence

Question 13:


I simply must find a new podiatrist. My podiatrist has developed ___________________.
athlete's foot
such a callous attitude
such a callus attitude
bromodosis

Question 14:


I chose my gastroenterologist _____________________.
because he married my sister
because of an Alka-Seltzer commercial
because of my ulcers
based on a gut feeling

Question 15:


The roulette dealer had a unique personality. (Next sentence please)
He had a number fetish
He had a different spin on everything.
He just loved to play with the ball.
He just fit right into that slot.

Question 16:


How do construction workers party?
They raise the roof.
They lift the beams.
They drink like there's no work tomorrow.
They bring down the house.

Question 17:


The nudist was acquitted of indecent exposure because __________________________.
it was night and nobody could tell if she was clothed or not.
everyone was blinded by her beauty
nobody could pin the wrap on her
she was clothed in anonymity

Question 18:


Dermatologists are very competitive. (Next sentence please)
They all have skin in the game.
Acne makes for great competition.
They're like moles and warts on a toad.
It's just one big face-off.

Question 19:


A summer is a ___________________.
mathematician
Glau, Cummings, Altice or, Bishil
season of the year
premature autumn

Question 20:


The coin artist promised he'd change his profession to ___________________.
nothing involving metal
one not etched in stone
a less hardened one
something noteworthy

 


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