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Pun Intended Boringly

written by: thaibob
These puns are rather long, so if you tend to doze off while reading, try another quiz. The common answer is included in all questions for comparisons to the punny one. More puns can be found by searching for 'pun intended' or by clicking on 'thaibob'.

Question 1:

This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs benedict." His order comes a while later and it's served on a big shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, "What's with the hubcap?" The waiter sings, ______________________________
"There's no place like home for the holidays."
"There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."
"There's a boy in the girls bathroom."
"There's a place for us."

Question 2:

A guy walks into the psychiatrist's office wearing only Glad Wrap shorts. The shrink says, _____________________.
"Go put on some Glad Wrap shirts to complete your outfit."
"Sorry we're closed for the day."
"Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
"What seems to be the problem, big boy."

Question 3:

A boy was bagging groceries at a supermarket. One day the store installed a machine for squeezing fresh orange juice. Intrigued, the young man asked if he could be allowed to work the machine, but his request was denied. Said the store manager, "Sorry, kid, but ____________________."
beggars can't be choosers
baggers can't be juicers
you're not old enough
your hands are dirty from handling those bags

Question 4:

Have you heard about the pharmaceutical company that developed a new drug, which, when administered to women, compels them to go join a convent? The FDA refused to license it, though. (Next sentence please)
Seems it was habit-forming.
There weren't enough convents.
Nobody was interested in it.
According to FDA rules they must comply with mandatory testing on lab animals first.

Question 5:

See if you can provide the punchline: A man walks nervously into a field with a bull. He spies a farmer on the other side of the fence and asks, "Is this bull safe?" The farmer replies, "He's as safe as can be;________________ ."
'cause he's eyeing the cows behind you
but I can't say the same for you
he's been castrated
he has horns and you don't

Question 6:

I was on an elevator the other day, and the operator kept calling me "son." I said, "Why do you call me 'son'? You're not my father." He said, " _____________________"
How do you REALLY know that?
I brought you up, didn't I?
Did you just get back from your psychiatrist's office?
I didn't bring my glasses today.

Question 7:

A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?" The doctor replies, "It's very simple.______________."
You're too tents.
You're two tense.
You're too tense.
You're two tents.

Question 8:

I was having dinner with Garry Kasparov (world chess champion) and on the table was a checkered tablecloth. I asked him to please pass the salt. He looked at me strangely and then ________________________.
he pondered the meaning of 'salt'.
it took him 2 hours to pass it.
he thought I insulted him and left.
he shrugged his shoulders not understanding English.

Question 9:

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows ________________.
that books are tasty too
eating under a tree is preferable
readers digest and writers cramp
that a typewriter could be a lethal weapon

Question 10:

A lady wrote to an advice column in a newspaper: "I have been engaged to a man for some time, but just before the wedding, I find he has a wooden leg. ________________"
The last sentence was smudged and couldn't be deciphered.
Do you think I should break it off?
Now I know I'm know why I sneeze around him.
I love his other leg.


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